How to be more confident

….and how to be more fulfilled, how to have better boundaries, how to create a profitable business and how to make life generally better! There are so many changes that I have experienced in this last 12 months and I want to tell YOU exactly how I did it. FYI, this post contains an affiliate link to The Queen of Confidence’s group coaching program.

Just a normal woman with a life coach. Definitely not weird.

What is a life coach?

This time last year, I had zero idea what a life coach actually did. I knew it had something to do with Tony Robbins and cults and maybe walking across hot coals. Despite working as an art therapist before I had my kids and being heavily in to indwelling, reflection and self development, I am the first to admit that since the soul-suckers arrived, I had lost something vital within myself.

So, for the uninitiated, a life coach does exactly what it says on the box. Coaches you on how to live your life! Just as a sports coach trains you, imparts knowledge, shares their experiences and expertise, so a life coach does the same but with less sweat and more crying.

You can do one on one sessions, learn to coach yourself in a virtual course or, as I did, join a group program.

Back to where it began

Last year I went to a MPM Connect event that was sold out. Their featured speaker was someone called Erika Cramer AKA The Queen of Confidence. I had never heard of her before but I will always be grateful that she was introduced into my orbit that night and that our worlds collided.

Erika Cramer AKA Erika from Amerika AKA The Queen of Confidence

Erika spoke about women showing up in their lives. She spoke about people pleasing. She told us her boobs hurt because her breast fed baby was waiting for her at home. She explained how when you give too much of a fuck what other people think, you sell the world short from getting to see the real you. She said “fuck” a lot.

I walked away knowing I dug her vibe. I love women who chase their dreams and who live their best lives. Over the next few weeks I thought about my own life. Was I one of those women who were showing up in all areas of their lives? Were my choices bringing me the life I absolutely wanted? And, on that note, what kind of life did I actually want, anyway?

To put it lightly, having couple of kids really put a spanner in the works for me. Yes, of course they are awesome but motherhood has evolved during this generation. Part competitive sport, part blood sport, mums in 2019 are facing pressures that they just have not been under before.

For me, I held lots of resentment that I was being held hostage. I had NEVER in my wildest dreams imagined I would have two kids, a mortgage, a login to the school newsletter and sole responsibility for finding 4 pairs of socks in the morning. It took a long time to admit but I wanted something else for my life.

Then I joined the Sistahood….

After listening to Erika’s podcast and binging on her Instagram content, she shared a book recommendation. It was called Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr Joe Dispenza and just like that, I knew I had to find a way to make Erika a regular feature of my life.

The book is heavy. It’s science based and pretty intense. It took me two reads to absorb some key components but I knew that anyone who could recommend books like that was going to be my kind of coach!

So, when I saw Erika talking about an in-person, group coaching, year long program called The Sistahood, I joined straight away.

Some of the original Sistas. There were 21 of us to start, now there are almost 70!

How to be more confident

So what’s it all about? This is how it all works:

Joining the Sistahood in Melbourne, gives you access to a group of EPIC women who are all experiencing this style of self development. They are doing the hard yards, asking themselves the difficult questions and identifying personal goals to up-level their lives.

We meet every couple of months for an immersion event. So far, I have explored managing my mind, addressing ego, people-pleasing (and how to stop that nonsense) & self love. The next immersion event-these are full day, in person events with breakdowns and breakthroughs-is all about relationships. Don’t worry, I will be taking tissues.

In addition to the events, there is homework (usually in the form of audio books, films, YouTube clips etc) and lots of meet-ups with the other women in the group.

I’ve joined them for dinners, dance classes, gallery visits, many coffees, lunch dates, hikes, charity events, workshops and just hanging out. We talk, we laugh, we belly dance. What we DON’T do is gossip, talk shit about other people, compare ourselves to strangers on the internet, get stuck in victim land or play blame ping pong with our high school principal from 1998 (in our heads.) We’ve become each other’s go-to’s for everything from launching new businesses to grief support to being the first people I tell when I try to jump across a muddy river but fall in instead.

Deep friendship, deep connection, no bullshit or wasting time focused on the actions of other people. We know we are in charge of our thoughts, feelings and lives. How do we know? Because we’ve been in the forest of our brains all year long. Fighting old demons and new fears, changing, growing and evolving.

How I feel after a year of life coaching

My biggest lesson this year has been about creating boundaries. I used to spend all my time and energy so caught up in other people’s stuff that I had very little time to think about my own life. Yep, that was a handy strategy for a tired mum because it meant I could distract myself with drama and never have to look inwards and start making changes.

When I did finally start looking at my on life I realised I needed boundaries in every single area if I was going to have a fighting chance to chase the life I knew I was capable of living.

Boundaries with work stuff turned in to deeply questioning what my ideal work situation looks like and guess what? These days, I HAVE THE BUSINESS OF MY DREAMS. I get to work with heart-centred business owners to help them communicate with their people! I get to work from home, earn as much money as I choose and it feels AMAZING. I run work shops, study to strengthen my skills and do all the office admin like a BOSS. I love it!

Running the first workshop I designed, promoted, SOLD OUT tickets to and ran, solo. Photo by Michelle Kate Photography

Boundaries with my family turned in to big shifts with….everything. Just choosing to spend a whole day away from them every couple of months was a massive deal for me. SECRET: I didn’t even tell Dylan what I was doing coaching for a few months-I felt so selfish taking time to invest in myself #mumguilt. These days I do what I want. I communicate with the people I live with so we are all good and clear but yeah, it’s my life so see you tomorrow guys. I go to the gym, go to dinners, have one kid in childcare and ask for outside help when I need it. This feels awesome and I feel much more like myself again and less like a scullery maid.

Boundaries in my friendships has meant these have grown or changed. I’ve had hard conversations. Honest ones. I’ve had to tell friends that I really am okay, I can just no longer be in situations that steal my magic. It’s HARD to be my authentic self and tell the truth. But it’s worth it. I’ve made new friends too, not just with the Sistahood ladies, but with other people because I am now showing up in my life as my real self! I choose friendships where our values are aligned and we can laugh and have fun together (and talk about Eckhart Tolle)

I feel more aligned, stronger, happier and yes, more confident than I have in about 10 years.

So, are you ready to change your life for the better? Then join the cult, I mean the Sistahood. I want to answer all your questions about what it’s like inside the group and what it’s like on the other side of the first year. Get in touch and let’s chat about it. If you feel like it might suit you then, seriously, join in.

Ready to get started? https://erika-cramer.mykajabi.com/a/17715/k7944KEC

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